Patricia Ann, originally posted Saturday, July 04, 2020
My focus has changed. When I stand, God moves. When I fear, the enemy chases me.
I shall not be moved.
My conversations with Jesus in the midst of an ongoing, raging storm...
My focus has changed. As God speaks to my heart daily, I am learning to experience Him in a new way.
I thought I needed someone in this world. I desired someone in this world to be my companion, to share the love of Jesus, to praise and worship my Lord. Instead, my earthly companion has sought to take me from my Lord, by seeking to steal my attention from my Lord and put my focus totally on him. My heart has ached for so long as I was being pulled away from my Lord into the arms of a selfishness of a man that left me in a state of confusion and mourning. His fits of anger and rage, hating me , breaking me, only to apologize, pull me close and start over in the confusing merry go round, again and again. This morning, as he sought to soothe me with caresses and I love yous, I sought my Lord, instead. I asked Jesus to protect me. I vowed not to take my eyes from my Lord again. And in that moment, Jesus spoke to me. "My beloved, there is none who will ever love you as I do. Nobody will ever measure up to My love for you. I love you completely, for always." In that I am humbled, repentant for taking my eyes off of my Jesus, even if for only a moment, that allowed the enemy to sneak in with what has only proven itself to be an image of a tale of love, lacking trueness, void of compassion and the deep connection of two, who would be joined with God at the center of their union.
Be still my heart, I pray. So many tears, I have cried. I can see myself at the feet of Jesus, sobbing, as even His tears drip onto my hair as He bends down to comfort me. He has always been with me. In these times that I have felt so much pain, rejection and fear, Jesus has been with me, sometimes watching, but always loving me. It is He who owns my heart, He whom I desire . It is He who is mine and I am His. I have missed my Jesus, but today... I am home. He has welcomed me into His loving embrace. My tears of sadness erased, with only tears of joy now. I have joy in being home with the One who has always loved me the most. I am blessed. I am loved. I am resting in a quiet calm.